Shattered
by Zaika-Purr
Summary: In the end, all we want is a happy ending, KuroxFai, please R
1. When Life Is Too Much

A/N; I seem to be addicted to angsty writing latley, this is one of many idea's I've written on Fai and/or Kurogane being depressed, but this is the one I decided to post, because I actually have plots for the future chapters... please no flames!

Warning; Sad... very sad and kind of dark, attempted suicide

Discaimer; I don't own Tusbasa

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Cold. Fai felt cold, separated from his friends and hidden behind a mask of lies and deceit. Isolated and dying slowly from within, from a frozen and shattered heart. He knew as he shivered from the icy feeling inside himself that it would be better this way; everyone would be happier without him. 

He stared blankly at the bottle of pills resting in the gentle grip of his pale fingers; this would be a peaceful way out. He had been to enough troubled modern worlds to know that people who took enough of certain substances would forever depart from the world of the living and pass into dark and peaceful bliss.

He closed his eyes and imagined it... darkness, absolute silent darkness. Intimidating yet peaceful.

The mage opened his eyes and looked at the pill bottle again, feeling a slight pull of hesitation. He frowned and removed the lid, just wanting to get it done with before he turned into a coward and stopped himself. He poured the entire contents into his hand, not wanting to risk failing and having to explain to a certain angry ninja why he had tried to end it.

He paused for a moment as Kurogane crossed his mind. At the thought of Kurogane he glanced slightly downward from the pills in his palm to his wrist, his pink-scarred wrist riddled with fresh cuts. He was weak, he fell for the ninja and then cut himself to override the pain of knowing that Kurogane hated him and could never love him back.

Kurogane wouldn't miss him, he knew that. The ninja would probably discover his lifeless body and complain about having to bury it. Then after ward he would be relived not to have the 'idiot mage' slowing them down. Fai's heart lurched slightly as he thought about it but he knew that it was the truth; the truth that had brought him here right now, with pills in his one hand and a glass of water in the other.

He cursed himself for his own weakness and tossed one of the pills in his mouth, gulping water and swallowing it. He could probably swallow them three at a time but he wanted to think, he wanted to reflect on his own wasted existence as he left it behind.

He felt himself begin to shiver slightly, and his breath begin to quicken by the time he had reached the sixth pill. He threw the last two in his mouth at once and swallowed them, deciding that he needed it to be done with. With deep breaths he felt the drugs sweep through his system, sending a warm tingling sensation into his fingers and toes. He felt himself lose control of his breathing all together and collapsed on the floor, shivering and panting with his eyes darting around franticly.

The mage allowed his blue orbs to close and let himself shiver on the floor, almost able to see the peaceful dark ahead of him. He felt a sense of peace, then faded into unconciousness.

----

Kurogane's crimson eyes widened at the sight before him. His stomach lurched at the sight of Fai laying on the floor, shivering and panting. He ran up to him, wondering if he was wounded or had been attacked in any way. Frowning when he spotted no visable injuries. The ninja lganced quickely around the room, searching for some sort of explanaition, and nearly screaming in anger and shock when his eyes rested on an empty pill bottle laying no more than three feet from were the mage was laying.

"You idiot..." he hissed picking him up and carrying him bridal-style out the door. He walked swiftly but didn't run, for fear of making Fai's condition worse.

Once he was downstairs the Syaoran and Sakura looked up, the princess shreiked and Syaoran stood up and ran over.

"Kurogane-san, what..."

"Get some help" snapped Kurogane, Syaoran jumped at the urgancy in the older man's tone and darted off to call for help. "Idiot..." whispered Kurogane glaring down at the mage again "You absolute idiot..."

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A/N; Well there's the first chapter, PLEASE REVIEW (this will most likely have a happy ending belive it or not) and I promise that the future chapters will be longer, 


	2. The Blinding Light

A/N; I had a nice amount of insperation this time, so the chapter got done quick, reviews will keep the story updated fast.

Disclaimer; I dont own Tsubasa,

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A sudden burst of light overpowered the seemingly endless dark. Fai blinked in the intensity of the brightness. Before he could wonder what was happening he felt the numbness leave him and feeling return to him. 

He cried out in pain and jerked forward, sitting up in spite of the fact that he couldn't remember laying down.

He felt dizziness sweep over him, knocking him back down. He cried out again as his back made contact with the oddly soft surface he seemed to be positioned on.

He focused his eyes a bit; enough to see that the brightness's source was a light overhead. He blinked a few more times; white walls came into view along with a dark silhouette on his left side.

"Idiot" muttered the silhouette; Fai could recognize the voice as belonging to Kurogane, and any doubt he'd had up until that moment vanished. He was alive. He failed.

He groaned, wishing immediately for his knife.

His eyes focused fully and the ninja's full face came into view. Fai almost shut his eyes again at the sight of those piercing crimson eyes looking at him, seeing him lying vulnerable and pathetic, after trying to kill himself.

He didn't even try to pull a fake smile this time. What good would it do? It would only make the situation worse; people who woke up from surviving attempted suicide didn't smile.

Instead he just sat and looked at Kurogane, feeling tears welling up in his blue eyes as he realized the ninja was expecting him to talk about it. Which was probably the main reason the kids weren't here.

"Kuro…" he started, but choking himself off halfway through

"Idiot" repeated Kurogane shaking his head at him, as though disappointed.

Fai shivered slightly, probably from the after affect of the pills "I suppose I am…" he whispered "I can't even suceed in ending my misery"

Kurogane scowled "Why would you do somthing like that?" he demanded,

Fai didn't answer he just whimpered slightly and looked away from the pissed off ninja, not wanting to have to face him. He shivered again and picutred the pills he had taken, wondering what could have gone wrong. It should have worked, in this world people with drug addictions overdosed all the time and died without meaning to; why couldn't he do that on purpose?

"ANSWER ME!" snapped Kurogane, sick of waiting for an answer

"I c-can't do it an-any more..." stuttered Fai, who was now looking around the room for somthing sharp

Kurogane opened his mouth to pry further but was cut short by the door clicking open and a tall man in a white coat walking in. The man looked at a clipboard in his hand before turning to Fai, "Well you certanly did have a close call" he said, causing Fai to flinch at how close he was to success "But you were quite lucky, the pills you took seemed to be quite weak, if it had been another kind we would have been to late"

Fai threw his head back so it hit the wall behind the bed.

"QUIT IT!" Kurogane yelled rushing up and grabbing Fai by the collar of his hospital gown.

"Settle down sir" said the doctor calmly, Kurogane growled but released the mage. "I would like to keep Mr.Floweright here over night though, just to be on the safe side"

Kurogane nodded. Fai resisted the urge to groan, knowing that he wouldn't be trying again with doctors watching him all the time.

The doctor gave them a smile and left quickly. Letting Syaoran and Sakura in the room as he exited.

"Fai-san!" cried Sakura running up to him "What happened? We were all so worried" she said giving him a desperate hug. Fai felt mildy releived that no one had told the kids what he had tried to do.

Sakura released him and beamed at him, "I'm glad that your alright though" she said, Fai just pulled the best fake smile he could and beamed at her,

"I'm great!" he said in a chipper tone. He glanced briefly over at Syaoran, who wa standing by the bed with a rather relived look on his face. Though Fai sensed that he had a pretty good idea of what must of happened.

-------

After visiting hours had ended the group left with a hug from Sakura and a warning glance from Kurogane. Syaoran had just slipped out as quietly as he could.

Fai was just glad that he was alone again. Even the doctors and nurses had all left him alone for the night, he was finally, completley alone.

He thought of Kurogane, how angery the ninja had been. He knew Kurogane hated him now more than ever. He felt tears form in his eyes again at the thought, he blinked them back and pulled a plastic knife, he stole from his dinner tray, out from under his pillow.

He looked down at his now exposed wrists, smiling as he layed the dully serated edge on an un-marked peice of skin. He pressed it into his flesh and dragged it slowly accross his wrist, smiling slightly as the pain shot up his arm, making his whole body tingle with a pleasent buzz.

Soft red blood seeped slowly out of the fresh cut, Fai let out a relaxed sigh as he stared at the self inflicted wound.

He looked cautiously around the room and quickly stuffed the blade under the pillow again. He layed down and with the feeling of his new cut still stinging, he slowly drifted off to sleep...

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A/N; I couldn't figure out a way to make this into a cliffhanger, so people won't be as hungery for the next chapter, but PLEASE REVIEW anyway because I don't update if I don't get enough reveiws (reveiws inspire me) 


	3. Suicide Notes

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Kurogane sat on Fai's bed. Staring thoughtfully around the room. He couldn't stop wondering what would cause such a sudden act of desperation in the usually bright mage. He was well aware that Fai had alot more pain in his life than he often showed, but still he hadn't ever gone off the deep end like this _before_.

He was hoping that perhaps the mage's room would give him some answers to his questions. Perhaps Fai kept a diary? That was basically all he had for hope at the moment.

Getting to his feet, the ninja walked slowly over to the messy desk on the far side of the room. Eyeing a few crumpled papers strewn over the surface. He pulled out the chair and sat down, reaching over for one of the papers.

He carefully uncrumpled the paper, reading the slanty writing inside;

_Dear; Syaoran-kun, Sakura-chan, Mokona and Kurogane_

Kurogane frowned slightly at the use of his full name and lack of an honorific but continued reading...

_I' m sorry that I have been a hinderance to you in the past, and am glad that I won't be any longer, I just want you all to know that I hope you all find what you're looking for. _

_Sakura-chan, I hope you find all your feathers and make it safely home to Clow, best of luck on your journey_

_Syaoran-kun, Continue to fight and get stronger, never give up on your wish _

_Mokona, Take care of everybody_

_Kurogane, I hope you make it home to Japan and your princess_

_I will miss you all and hope that someday you will be able to go back to your normal lives, _

_Fai D Flowright_

A suicide note! Kurogane dropped the paper and un-crumpled another one, written along the same lines as the other one but not completed. He read all the papers, one to Sakura and one to Syaoran as well. He picked up the last one, a letter to him

_Kurogane..._

_I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you, and _

It ended there. The ninja sighed frustratedly, that damn mage had obviously been planning this for a while. He couldn't believe that Fai had been suffering all this time, and he had never noticed.

He frowned and headed out of the room, unable to take being in said mages room anymore...

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Fai felt the real world slowly return to him as he slowly pulled his eyes open.

A small amount of sunlight was pouring into the hospital room, telling him that it wasn't much earlier than six or seven o clock. Sighing slightly he sat up, wishing strongly for a certain ninja's presence. He had probably had one of his better dreams last night, one of his Kurogane dreams.

He touched his fingers to his lips slightly; wishing that he could still feel the lingering affect of the ninja's dream kiss and how totally complete it had made him feel.

The door clicked open, causing the mage to perk up in hopes of it being Kurogane. But looking down disappointedly when he saw only a nurse, carrying a breakfast tray for him.

She sweetly at him and asked how he was this morning, Fai fake smiled back and told her he was great; while making sure that his wrists were hidden under the blanket.

"I bet your feeling happy about getting to go home today" she said,

Fai grinned wider and nodded "Yes" he lied "I can't wait"

The nurses green eyes flashed a momentary look of sympathy and worry, but she smiled back at him before leaving him to his breakfast.

The blond pulled his arms out from under the blanket, sensing that there wasn't really much point in it after all. The people who were tending to him obviously all knew why he was here and that it could easily happen again the minute he left this hospital. The cuts on his wrists weren't really a very big deal compared to that, and obviously wouldn't surprise anyone.

He climbed out of his bed and staggered past his breakfast tray, not feeling all that hungry for hospital food. He walked shakily over to a table on the far wall were his clothes from the other day were lying. He figured that Kurogane would be the one picking him up, while Sakura, Syaoran and Mokona searched for the feather. That much was predictable by now.

He couldn't have Kurogane seeing his cuts, especially because now Kurogane would be more bound to overreact to things like that, after Fai's little suicide attempt.

Glancing at the door one last time, he quickly pulled his hospital gown over his head and began to pull his baggy jeans on. Making him feel slightly weighed down by the heavy material that seemed so popular in this world.

Pulling his arm through the long shirtsleeve, he winced slightly as the fabric rubbed against his fresh cut. He pulled it over his head and let out a sigh of relief to have his cuts concealed again.

He perked up slightly at the sound of the door clicking open again. The mage glanced over his shoulder, expecting to be met with the sight of the nurse returning for his breakfast tray. Though felt his eyes widen in suprise at the sight of Kurogane.

Kurogane stared at the mage or _through _the mage for a second, before speaking "Ready to go?' he asked cooly

"Your here awfully early" said Fai, pulling the best smile he could manage in front of Kurogane

Kurogane scowled "No one slept last night due to the princess pacing around all night worrying about _you,_ and the kid and the manju trying to calm her down" he took a breath "I was awake anyway, might as well come pick you up"

Fai examined the ninja closely, indeed he did seem tired. His eyes drooped and his posture matched. "Fine" sighed the blonde, glancing around the room a final time "Lets go"

-----

Fai walked shakily down the hallway beside Kurogane. Falling on occasion and being caught by the surly ninja, untill it got tot the point that Kurogane got fed up

"Alright" he scowled "You obviously can't walk!" he pushed the blonde into a nearby wheelchair and pushed him down the hall,

"Kya! Kuro-pon is so sweet to me" chirped Fai

Kurogane frowned "Shut up" he muttered "And quit pretending to be all cheerfull, it gets on my nerves"

Fai froze, that had hit a soft spot. His smile fell and he looked up at Kurogane with an 'I'm sorry' type of look. The ninja's tone softened when he next spoke "You're going to have to talk to me about it you know"

The mage shook his head "No" he said. Kurogane stopped the wheelchair and turned it so Fai was facing him,

"Why not?" he asked sternly

"I already told you" said Fai "I said that I can't take it anymore"

Kurogane frowned again "That's not a real answer" he said "_Why_ can't you take it anymore?"

Fai didn't answer, Kurogane grunted angerly and turned Fai to wheel him again.

"Whatever" he muttered as they continued down the hall.

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A/N; PLEASE REVEIW!! and I'm sorry for any grammer mistakes that might be there... I neeeeeeeed a new editor! 


	4. Revealed

A/N; Yay! It's finally done! Thanks to Mesame for editing it and writing a big chunk in the middle were I got writers block! (huggles Mesame)

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Fai gripped the edges of his pillow as he sobbed into it, praying that it muted his hysterics from the others. He wasn't even sure how he had managed to start crying so suddenly. As soon as he walked through the door to his room, the tears had just started to pour. 

It was the sensation of being hit by a bus and broken into a million pieces, and he was only glad that he hadn't burst out in front of the kids, or worse, Kurogane.

He winced, remembering the look that the ninja had given him. It was a look that shot through Fai, seeming to watch his true self hidden underneath all his masks. There was no escaping the gaze of those knowing, crimson eyes.

The mage looked up as a sharp knock on the door interrupted his sad musings. _Speak of the devil_ Fai thought, taking a shaky breath and walking toward the door, knowing by the speed and force used to knock that it could be no one other than Kurogane.

"Mage" came the ninja's voice from the other side, "Open up" it sounded like more of a demand then a request, and Fai let his hand sit on the door knob, wondering if he had enough courage to open it and face what awaits beyond.

He took another shaky breath and turned the knob, pulling the door open to reveal the ninja glowering at him.

Fai faked a small smile "Ah Kuro-tan, is there-"

"We need to talk." interrupted the ninja, walking briskly into the room and shutting the door behind him.

The blond forgot the smile and frowned "No, we don't." he said, trying to sound threatening.

Kurogane grabbed Fai's wrist and held on tight, causing Fai to wince "Yes, we do." he muttered darkly, gripping the wrist tighter.

Fai almost felt like crying, the pain was so bad, but he hid it as best he could and stared back at the ninja, locking eyes with him "Fine." he hissed.

"I saw the notes."

Fai felt his breath catch at the ninja's words, and he was suddenly glad he hadn't finished Kurogane's letter. He couldn't imagine how badly the ninja would hate him after confessing his love to him in a suicide note.

Kurogane's grip had tightened, obviously seeing Fai's reaction. The blond couldn't help but yelp in pain. Kurogane immediately released his wrist, eyeing the mage suspiciously as he took a step back.

"What's your freaking problem?!" he asked.

Fai backed up a step "N-nothing!" he stuttered quickly.

The ninja's red eyes narrowed as he stepped toward Fai, who didn't dare move another muscle. Kurogane reached out quickly and grabbed Fai's upper arm, pulling up the black sleeve and revealing the cuts.

Fai's face fell; he began to feel the tears welling up in his eyes again as the ninja examined his wrist. "What's this?" asked Kurogane, his red eyes widening at the self-inflicted wounds.

"It's nothing..." Fai cried, trying to pull his arm back, but Kurogane held it in place.

The ninja looked shocked "W-why the Hell would you do that to yourself?" he demanded.

The mage slumped, legs collapsing underneath him and falling on the floor; except for the arm that Kurogane was gripping. "Because I'm weak." murmured Fai.

Kurogane's look of shock suddenly turned to anger, he released Fai's arm and glared at him, unable to grasp how anyone could do that to themselves "Yeah, I guess you are." he said, each of his harsh words feeling like poison to Fai, turning to leave while the blond sobbed again and reached out for Kurogane.

"Please." he whispered as tears flowed down his cheeks "Don't go..."

Kurogane didn't even glance over his shoulder he just stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him and leaving Fai to cry.

Fai reached out towards the door, wanting so badly to stop the ninja "I...I'm sorry..." his voice was getting weaker as he spoke. "I'm sorry I'm so weak... I'm sorry I'm such a nuisance to you...I'm sorry I can't do this..." his voice became inaudible to everybody except himself "...without you."

-------

Kurogane hadn't gone far from Fai's room, listening in case Fai had said something important after he had left. He couldn't make out what the last few words were, but he figured they were probably something mushy or of no importance, just as the rest of what Fai said had been. But, it did seem as though Fai would only confess after it's too late, not while he could, so Kurogane had listened anyway.

Walking away, the ninja started wondering about the suicide notes. Like why Fai had stopped writing his personal note, or why his breath had caught when Kurogane mentioned them.

"Is Fai-san okay, Kurogane-san?" Kurogane had been too busy to notice that Sakura had been watching him since he left Fai's room.

He never knew what he should say to people, like if he should lie to Sakura now and tell her Fai's fine, or tell her the truth and watch her heart break?

"I'm sure Fai-san is fine, hime. He's probably just tired." Syaoran walked over to the princess, and was now consoling her. He glanced at Kurogane, with a look of 'I-won't-tell-her', which made the ninja a little thankful for the brat.

"I'm going to go check up on him." Sakura said, more determined than earlier.

--------

Fai sniffled, still feeling like dirt after his and Kurogane's conversation.

A sudden light, airy knocking at his door snapped him back into reality. He stood up slowly and walked over to the door, making sure his eyes weren't red and that he didn't look like he had been crying. As soon as he opened the door, Sakura leaped forward and caught him in a warm hug.

"Ah! Sakura-chan, what's wrong?" asked Fai, feeling slightly startled but smiling and hugging Sakura back.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay..." she held on tighter.

Kurogane walked into the hallway, behind Sakura, leaning against the wall opposite of the door. Fai's heart panged, because he knew that Kurogane was trying to make sure the mage understood that Sakura would be greatly upset if anything happened to him.

"Of course I'm alright." He said cheerily "Kuro-daddy wouldn't let me get hurt" He smiled, trying to lighten the mood; though he was glancing at Kurogane out of the corner of his eye,

"…I suppose so." Sakura sighed, obviously not believing him but deciding not to say anything. She released him and looked up at him with a slightly worried look on her face.

Syaoran put a hand on Sakura's shoulder, silently telling her that they should leave. Sakura caught the message quickly and gave Fai a last quiet, caring smile, and followed Syaoran into the living room, still looking like she wanted to say something.

Fai felt the tears returning and glanced at Kurogane, who was already turning to leave as well.

"Kuro…gane" he whispered meekly at the ninja, hoping that use of his full name would catch his attention.

It did, for a moment anyway. Kurogane over his shoulder at the blond, who was already in tears again, and opened his mouth to say something, but second thought it, shook his head, and walked away.

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Kurogane trudged down the hallway, unable to continue being around such a lost cause.

He turned into his room, closing the door behind him, and sat down on his bed, still thinking about Fai. He knew he shouldn't have called him weak and stormed out the first time, or ignore his small call for help the second time. But it pissed him off to know how totally spineless the blond was.

He wondered how the mage could hold such little value in his own life, or how he could bring himself to use something against his own being.

Kurogane never had much respect for the weak. In his eyes, the weak always died and the strong lived on, simple as that. The ninja was obviously strong, and he had slaughtered the weak that had stood in his way. That was just how life was, where Kurogane came from.

Fai, on the other hand, was weak and careless. Too weak to even die fighting, and too careless to become stronger through fighting. He didn't seem to care about dying, with or without honour. He just wanted to die, even if he had to do it himself.

And then, just for a brief moment, Kurogane wondered if he would just stand by and let him...

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A/N; PLEASE REVIEW!! 


	5. Once Upon a December

A/N; I'm beginning to wonder if this will actually be a happy ending like I said… perhaps I should try giving it an angsty ending (Hehe) but we'll see what happens, and thank you to Mesame for the song and for the flashback scene's.  
Note from Mesame: I'll try helping her make this a happy ending. We don't need any more angst. We already get enough of that from the literal Tsubasa!

Disclaimer; the song is 'Once upon a December' and I don't own it, (I don't know who sings it though) and I don't own Tsubasa either

* * *

Fai felt his last fragments of hope suddenly shattered and thrown in his face as Kurogane stalked out of the room without a word to the nearly hysterical mage.

"K-Kurogane…" whispered Fai hoarsely to himself, feeling the ninja's name comforting to him in a small way.

He shook his head at himself… he really was spineless wasn't he? The other man had every right to hate him. He couldn't blame Kurogane for being unable to tolerate him and his weakness; he couldn't help but feel slightly disgusted at himself for it now as well.

Pulling his knife out of his pocket he held it in front of him for a moment, admiring its blood caked blade and plain black handle. Right now it seemed the most beautiful thing in the world to him.

He looked at his arm, the sleeve still rolled up from when Kurogane had pulled it back and exposed the pink scars and fresh cuts.

The mage held the blade against his wrist, hesitating for a moment as he thought about what it would solve; knowing it would only provide temporary relief from the pain he felt in his fractured heart. It wasn't enough anymore…

Fai felt his mind wander as the need for death returned to him. He thought about his past, before all this started, before he met Sakura and Syaoran.

Before he met Kurogane…

He remembered Ashura and the song that he used to sing to him long ago… how his voice was…

"_Dancing bears,  
Painted wings,  
Things I almost remember,  
And a song someone sings  
Once upon a December."_

His memory played it back perfectly for him,

It could be his death tune…

He remembered Ashura teaching him how to use magic, like make inanimate things, like bears, come alive.

He remembered his tattoo, showing off his invisible wings of magic.

He remembered Ashura humming a lullaby that Fai had created.

And remembered Ashura's smile, how through the years, as Fai grew older and more powerful, how those smiles began to grow colder and colder, until eventually it seemed to fit in with the snow around them.

Fai let the blade slice his smooth skin, trying to cut deep. He wouldn't let Ashura hurt him or Kurogane. Ashura couldn't hurt him if he wasn't there to hurt.

…Right?

"_Someone holds me safe and warm.  
Horses prance through a silver storm.  
Figures dancing gracefully  
Across my memory..."_

The song continued to play in his head; Ashura's voice seemed so fresh in his mind

"_Far away, long ago,  
Glowing dim as an ember,  
Things my heart  
Used to know,  
Things it yearns to remember..."_

He remembered how warm Ashura was, and how he was the first person to ever be kind to Fai.

He remembered love.

But he also remembered the hate that came shortly after…

He could remember how, or when, Ashura had begun to abuse him, beating him and blaming him for things he didn't remember ever doing.

The feeling of the king's hands gripping his frail bruised arms and pinning to the bed returned to him as he thought about it, he shuddered. He wished so badly to forget.

In his dreams he lived it over again and again. The hate in Ashura's eyes, the pain of each beating and the traumatic effect of each time he was pushed onto the bed. But that was all nothing compared to wondering what he had done to cause his king to hate him so much.

He sliced at his wrist again with that thought. He had never understood why Ashura had begun to despise him, and use him. He had always thought it was his magic, how it grew stronger as he aged and how he had become more powerful than his king.

That was why he had never used magic since he had joined the group and met Kurogane; he couldn't bear the thought of the ninja hating him for his power.

Not that it mattered, considering Kurogane hated him now anyway…

He pressed the blade deeper, crimson blood spilled forward more rapidly now. He'd struck a vein.

Fai smiled, knowing he couldn't fail this time…

-----------

Kurogane stood up from his bed; sick of the guilty feeling he was getting from storming out on Fai. He scowled as he walked slowly down the hallway toward the mages room; he never had been very good at apologizing.

He stood in front of the door, raising his fist to knock on it for the third time that day, but this time with better intentions.

He knocked swiftly on the door. "Hey" he called.

No answer.

"Hey!"

No answer.

The ninja frowned and turned the knob, finding it locked "Open up!" he said.

No answer.

Kurogane growled and threw himself against the door and forcing it to open. He froze at the sight of Fai lying on the bed, a hazy look in his eyes and a knife in his hand.

He walked up to the bed "What the hell are you…?" his voice trailed off as he saw a large cut on Fai's right arm, spilling out blood and soaking the bed.

"Once upon a December…" whispered Fai, seeming to be in his own world

Kurogane's face fell. "Mage?" he asked, suddenly feeling unable to move.

"Kuro-muu…?" breathed the blond, his glassy blue eyes turning and focusing on the ninja, as he managed a weak smile.

Kurogane looked back at the bleeding wound, knowing instantly that there wasn't time to get him to the hospital. He reached over and grabbed one of the bed sheets, tearing it into a bandage and tying it tightly around the mage's arm.

"N-no, Kuro…" said Fai, releasing the knife and grabbing Kurogane's arm. "It's better this way."

The other man ignored him and ripped another off more pieces, tying each around the mages wrist. He continued to do so, no matter what Fai said, until blood no longer soaked through the makeshift bandage.

He looked at Fai, noticing how pale his face was. Kurogane started to wonder if the mage would be fine, with this amount of blood loss.

The ninja saw tears forming in the mage's eyes, "You shouldn't have done that." he whispered…

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A/N; PLEASE REVIEW! 


	6. Heartbroken

A/N; HI! I Changed my username so yea this is still Grey-Kitty just with a new name... and it's Zaika-Purr because... well Zaika because it sounds super cool and anime-ish and Purr because its cute and sounds like a little endig Fai would put on someones name... :3

Oh and I'm SO sorry for how long it took to update this, I finished most of it fast enough, then I got stuck at the end (again!) so thank you Mesame for once again helping me with my writers block and for editing, now enjoy!

Disclaimer; I don't own Tsubasa… sorry

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_And when my lonley heart shatters… _

_Will you be there to put it back together? _

_Or stomp on the pieces…_

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Fai sat up slowly, his eyes locked onto Kurogane's. "Why did you do that?" he asked, his voice shaky and filled with despair.

Kurogane frowned. "What the hell do you mean 'why did I do that?' I just saved your LIFE!"

Fai's eyes were filled with emotion "But you shouldn't have…"

The ninja clenched his fists, trying desperately to keep from smacking the mage and calling him weak. "Why…?" he choked himself off, knowing that if he continued he would wind up screaming at the mage for being stupid enough to try again.

"Because I'm not worth it."

Kurogane knew this was where he should argue; tell him it wasn't true and that he was worth it. But that wasn't what he thought. He knew that it was hardly worth trying to save someone like the blond, someone who brought themselves down to such a lowly level and would gladly allow an enemy to cut them down in battle rather than fight.

He noticed Fai was looking at him, expecting him to say something "Then make yourself worth it." he said.

Fai looked shocked for a moment, then gave a sad smile and just shook his head, acting as though Kurogane just asked the most impossible task from him.

The ninja growled slightly and glared at Fai, opening his mouth to say something but thinking better of it and closing it again.

"I don't understand… why you can't seem to understand," said the mage shaking his head again.

Kurogane scowled "How the Hell am I supposed to 'understand' when you wont tell me?!"

"It's not my fault you're to blind to see it!" snapped Fai.

"See what?" asked Kurogane.

"THAT ALL OF THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOU!"

The ninja froze, Because of _him_? What had he ever done to the mage? Well, ok, maybe that was a bad question, but he was sure he hadn't ever done anything _serious_. Nothing ever capable of pushing someone to attempted suicide. _Twice._

He saw tears flowing from Fai's eyes as the blond stared at him. There was something odd about the look he was giving him… something odd stirred in Fai's deep blue pools called eyes, something Kurogane recognized and hadn't really ever paid attention to before. But the word for it was lost to him.

Fai took a slight breath, but didn't seem much calmer "It's because of you." he said again, obviously making sure the ninja had heard him right.

Kurogane frowned again, wondering how the hell the mage could blame his own weakness on him, and it obviously showed through his voice. "Me?" he demanded "How the Hell is this all because of-"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!" screamed Fai, beginning to tremble with a mixture of rage and sorrow.

Kurogane lost his balance for a moment; feeling like someone had just pulled the rug out from under his feet. He tripped momentarily on the spot before backing into the wall and sliding to the floor as his legs gave out from shock.

Fai broke into hysterics again, crying into his hand as Kurogane sat shell shocked from his confession.

The ninja opened his mouth to say something but all that came out was a quiet "What…" though that was basically all that his mind was managing anyway.

The mage drew a trembling breath "Kuro…" he said.

"Why?" interrupted Kurogane.

Fai looked down again, "Why not?" he asked in return, bringing a long and awkward silence between them.

Kurogane clambered to his feet, wanting more than anything to walk away and leave the awkwardness behind, but knowing fully well that he couldn't do that now, and that doing so would make him as much of a coward as the mage.

He stood and stared at the blond, wondering why, and how, Fai could possibly love him, or even find the vaguest hope that the ninja would love him back.

It wasn't as though it was un-common in his world… but Kurogane had still never even thought for a moment that it could be like that in Fai's world too.

The mage showed so many obvious signs and yet, he had never actually thought any of it was serious.

"Kurogane…" whispered Fai, obviously trying to blink back another wave of tears.

He walked over to him; "Even if that's so," he said gruffly "I still don't see why that would make you hurt yourself like this"

"I… love you," said Fai again. "But you hate me."

The ninja felt guilt wash over him. So the mages suicide attempts were… _his_ fault? He suddenly felt sick with himself; he couldn't believe he had driven the mage to suicide! He certainly didn't love Fai, well as far as he knew, but he definitely didn't _hate_ him either.

"I don't… hate you," said Kurogane.

Fai shook his head "You're just saying that, because you feel bad."

Kurogane flinched at how accurate the blonde's words were.

"But I don't blame you for hating me… I'm weak, pathetic, worthless; what is there to love about me?"

"…" Kurogane tried to think of something to say, feeling like he should disagree with the mage.

He looked down at the mage, who had put his head down face first, probably knowing that whatever Kurogane was going to say was going to be made up impromptu.

Fai sniffled. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am a fool..." He stood up, walking toward the door as he wiped the tears from his eyes. He stopped at the doorway, and Kurogane could see the masochistic smile on his face as he sniffled again. "I wonder if I could die through heartbreak..."

Kurogane stared at Fai for a bit. Not sure what to say, how to respond, how to make things better again. The blonde just leaned against the doorframe and stared distantly at the floor.

The ninja sighed and got up, walking towards the door and stopping to stand next to the mage. "You should know by now that I will not allow you to die," he whispered.

Tears began to form in Fai eyes again, "Yeah…" he murmured. And with that he turned and walked down the hall, leaving Kurogane standing in the doorway alone. "That doesn't mean I can't try." He said, grabbing the coat he chose to wear in this world, and running out the front door.

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A/N; Finally done! That ending part was hard to make, and it was becoming hard to get in a good angsty-writing type of mood because I'm so excited to be getting out of school soon. 


	7. Searching

A/N; Yay! I finally update! And right before I leave for my trip tonight! (dances) the next chapter will be the last one if everything goes as planned,

Sorry, I did a five second edit on this myself because Mesame hasn't been on MSN for me to send it to her for proper editing… anyway I hope it's OK

Disclaimer; (I'm getting sick of putting these in) I _still _don't own them!

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Fai ran down the busy street, blindly pushing through groups of people crowded outside of various shops and café's.

He didn't even know were he was going; just that he couldn't go back to the house, where Kurogane was.

He darted into a nearby alley and collapsed against the wall with his heart racing and his breath coming out in desperate gasps, him being too tired to run anymore.

The alley was spray-painted many different colours, though Fai had been in this world long enough to know that most of the alleys were. At least this one seemed relatively empty, aside from a shady pair of drug dealers and a prostitute who didn't notice or care that he was there.

He allowed his back to slide down the wall, until he was sitting on the ground, with his head in his hands.

"I don't… hate you" the mage felt the words echo in his head, and he wished that he could believe it was true. Even if the ninja didn't hate him, he still didn't love him back. That hurt almost as much. 

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Kurogane paced glumly around the house, wondering if he should go after Fai or if he should wait for the blonde to have his alone time then saunter back home.

He wasn't sure if going after him was a good idea. He didn't have anything to say that would make it all better, nothing he said would make the mage come home even if he did manage to find him in this over-crowded rat hole of a city.

He wondered why even cared whether or not Fai lived or died. The mage had nothing to do with him; he was just a stranger who he traveled with.

One who fell in love with him…

The ninja sighed at the thought. Feeling bad for every mean thing he had said to the mage that might have been taken too deeply to heart.

He looked up slightly as he heard voices from the kitchen,

"Syaoran-kun… when will Fai-san be coming back?"

"I'm sure he'll be back soon Hime" came Syaoran's voice

"Are he and Kurogane-san fighting?" asked the princess

"W-why would you think that?"

"I heard yelling right before Fai-san ran out… and he looked so sad when he left"

Kurogane felt his heart skip at the words, suddenly hoping that Fai wouldn't have tried anything again. He didn't hear the kid's response; instead he stopped pacing and felt himself realise just what he needed to do.

He turned toward the door, grabbing his coat and then, without a word, stepped out into the noisy city.

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Fai stood up from his spot on the ground, deciding that the sudden attention from the drug dealers at the end of the alley were a sign that he should leave.

He stepped out of the alley and back onto the crowded sidewalk. Felling so lonely, all alone in an endless sea of people who didn't even know him.

He looked at the crowd around him, seeing some familiar faces on the people who passed by.

Different versions of so many people that the group had met while traveling dimensions walked right by the mage without noticing him,

Souma, Ryuu, Tomoyo and so many others that Fai wished he could run over and talk to, just sauntered past him, not even noticing the fact they were being observed by a lonely blonde man with a broken heart.

He came to a stop by one of the city's many bridges, and peered over the edge at the flowing river below.

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Kurogane growled in frustration as he tried to see through the crowds of people. He had expected it would be easy to find the mage. After all, the guy had looks you could see from a mile away and a personality that basically screamed 'look at me I'm the fairy of all stupidity' at the top of its lungs, which wasn't something that was easy to overlook.

However this city seemed full of people like that, so Fai would blend right in and be perfectly at home here. Making the job of finding him, _so_ totally fun for Kurogane.

He had stopped before and gruffly asked some random people if they had seen a tall blonde guy with blue eyes come by, who might have been crying. Though he had quit that idea after someone asked him if the guy he was looking for was his boyfriend.

But he was desperate now, so he decided it would be in his best interests to ask and ignore whatever people thought of him.

He stopped by a heavily graffitied alley and looked in, seeing only a couple of shady looking people who were obviously drug dealers judging by their distinct smell and attitude, and a prostitute pacing around the far edge of the alley.

Not really teh best people to be collecting information from but he decided that the mage would think a dark lowly alley to be the perfect place to cut through if he had thought the ninja was following him, so walked over to ask anyway.

He walked over to one of the dealers "Oi" he called,

The man walked over to him, "Can I interest you in anything?" he asked, pulling a bag of weed and a bag of odd looking pills from his pocket. "This is the finest stuff out there"

Kurogane simply snorted at him, tempted to say something along the lines of 'I severely doubt that' but thought better of it considering pissing people off didn't make them want to spill information over to him. "Actually I was wondering if you've seen a blonde guy come by here," he said

"You a cop?" asked the dealer, eyeing Kurogane

"No"

"Sure about that?"

The ninja's eyes narrowed "Yes"

The dealer shrugged, "Fine, I'll take your word for it, now what did you say you were looking for?"

"A blonde guy, tall with blue eyes"

The man shrugged again, "Dunno" he said, "I gotta bad memory"

Kurogane rolled his eyes, and pulled a 50-dollar bill of this world's money out of his pocket, it was a lot to pay for such a small piece of info but he didn't have anything less with him. "Are you sure you don't know?" he asked, feeling like something off one of those crime shows that seemed so popular in this world.

The dealer's eyes flashed greedily, "Perhaps…" he said, "How much else do you have?"

Kurogane clenched his fist "How about the promise that I won't beat you to death?" he asked

The other man faltered a bit "You wouldn't…" he said

"It would save me 50 bucks," said the ninja

"But then you would have no information"

Kurogane looked over at the other dealer standing about a 100 feet down the alley, "I'm sure he'd be willing to tell me," he said "If he was smart"

"Right!" said the dealer "Now I remember! A blonde guy… pretty little thing in a black shirt! He went that way and to the left," the man pointed in the direction Fai had ran,

Kurogane folded the bill and put it back in his pocket as he walked away in the direction he'd been told.

"Hey!" screamed the man from behind him "You owe me that!"

The ninja looked over his shoulder at the dealer, "Come and get it" he called. The dealer frowned but didn't come after him, obviously knowing that he couldn't beat him.

Kurogane couldn't help but wonder how stupid this guy was to not carry a gun or a weapon while he was selling drugs. Obviously the guys off the crime shows were a lot smarter then these idiots.

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Fai stopped by the edge of a nearby bridge; this city seemed to have a lot of them. But he really liked the view from this one; looking down into the warm blue waters below… he considered jumping.

He smirked at himself; unable to help feeling amused by how determined he was to die. He was weak, he couldn't deny that, but was it so bad just to want an easy way out?

_Third times the charm_ whispered a voice in his head. But he simply stared blankly over the edge. Even if this seemed like the easiest thing now… he didn't have it in him after failing twice.

He watched the waves, feeling calmed by the rhythm and beauty of the water. He hadn't ever noticed before, how beautiful some things in the world could be, he'd been missing out. Though as calm as the waters made him, he still felt empty, wanting Kurogane to be here to see it with him…

That almost made him laugh. The ninja wouldn't stare at soft calming waters with him; Kurogane hated him and didn't bother admiring needless things such as the water.

But a small jealous part of him, wondered if he had ever watched the water with his princess, Tomoyo.

He didn't have time to wallow in that thought any longer though, as a voice broke though his deep layers of thought

"Oi!"...

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A/N; Actually, I cut at least two or three pages off of this chapter (which were that kiss I was so heart-set on doing) I'm sorry! I had promised myself I would make this chapter fluffy, but it's not…

But at least I have a worried Kurogane looking desperately for Fai; I hope that's good enough until next chapter, PLEASE REVIEW I will love having my inbox full of reviews when I get back on Tuesday!


	8. Simply Complicated

A/N; ::Cries:: I'm sorry it took so long, I couldn't find any idea's at first, then I couldn't find the inspiration to put it in words. But after I slaved over this for forever I finally got it done… only to find out that I'm going to have to drag it out another chapter longer than I wanted too. Anyway I hope you think its good…

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"Oi!"

Fai tore his gaze from the enchanting water below and turned toward the source of the voice, suddenly struck numb by the sight of Kurogane running toward him.

Blinking a few times he watched blankly as the ninja slowed and walked up to him, with an oddly relived look written on his usually un-readable face.

So unreal, he decided he had to be seeing things. He knew Kurogane wouldn't go to the trouble to come to find him; he must be hallucinating from running with all his blood-loss. It was all that made sense. Or perhaps he had passed out already and was dreaming this whole thing…

He gripped his deeply cut wrist through the torn bed sheet serving as a makeshift bandage, inhaling sharply as the familiar pain shot up his arm from the un-healed wound, telling him that he was still here and not dreaming. That everything was real.

Kurogane stopped in front of him, fixing his glare on him and folding his arms tightly to keep from either punching him or hugging him.

Fai kept his gaze focused on the sidewalk; he still couldn't bring himself to meet the cold glare that those crimson eyes were giving him.

"You weren't thinking of jumping were you?" asked the ninja darkly, shifting his gaze from Fai to the edge of the bridge.

He wasn't. Not really. He'd mostly resigned himself to the fact that fate would not let him slip out his pain so easily, and still planned to play with him a bit more. But he didn't say so, he didn't see how it continued to matter to Kurogane what happened to him or if he wanted to jump or not. So he stole a glance upward at the ninja and said in his coldest, most uncaring voice "And what if I was?"

Kurogane's gaze hardened but he said nothing in response, allowing a tense silence to spread between them. Making Fai want to run as far from those piercing red eyes as he could.

He opened his mouth to say something, in a hope of breaking the silence. But he was cut off as Kurogane grabbed his arm above the elbow "We should head home, the kids will be worried" he said and started pulling the blonde along.

Fai allowed the ninja to pull him along, feeling to lost in his own thoughts to protest.

Once they reached the house, he pulled his arm away and walked up the front steps by himself. Pausing only for a brief moment to take a deep breath and collect himself while straining to put on his usual smile for the kids, before pushing the un-locked front door open and stepping inside, Kurogane following shortly behind him.

"Fai-san!" shrieked Sakura as she heard the two enter from the living room, she bounded up to the mage and trapped him in a warm hug "I was worried! I didn't know were you went"

He patted her comfortingly on the back "No need to worry Sakura-chan, I just needed a walk".

Sakura pulled away and beamed at him, and then glanced at his bandaged arm, but before she could say anything Fai cut in "Well I feel rather tired" he said hurriedly, pretending to yawn "I think I'll go to bed early"

And with that he walked off and headed up the stairs, feeling the smile die on his lips as he heard Kurogane following him. _'Just go away'_ he pleaded silently _'I don't think I can face you right now'_

He didn't even make it to his room, because before he even knew what was happening the ninja had grabbed his arm and pulled him so that they were facing each other.

They stared at each other for a tense moment, each trying to find the answers the other's eyes, trying to put off speaking as long as possible. Until now a part of Fai had been hoping that there wouldn't be any more talking, and Kurogane would leave him alone now that he knew the truth…

But he spoke first, inviting the conversation to begin, only so that it would end. "What do you want?"

"I want you to stop this," said Kurogane, typically straight to the point.

He tried to pull an innocent smile, "Stop what?" he asked. Pretending he didn't know.

The ninja scowled and glared at him "Don't act like you don't know" he snapped. He glared at him. "I want you to stop hurting yourself"

"…" Fai turned his back on Kurogane. What was he supposed to say? He just wished that he could make the man understand how it felt to have nothing to live for, make him understand that cutting himself was the only way to ease his mental pain, even if only for a few moments.

He felt a rough hand on his shoulder and pulled away. Not able to bear having Kurogane touch him, not when it was only out of pity.

"Fai…"

Oh so he was Fai now…? Not 'idiot' or 'mage', Kurogane was obviously running out of ways to try and reach him.

He continued down the hall, turned into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Kurogane didn't follow.

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Kurogane watched the mage walk away and shut himself in his room again. He would have followed, but he didn't know what good it would have done.

He wasn't sure whom he was more frustrated with right now. Fai or himself. Fai seemed more determined than ever to distance himself from reason or help, and especially from Kurogane. And yet he was frustrated with himself because he couldn't do anything about it, he didn't know how he could reach someone who didn't want to be reached.

He'd never felt so useless before. Problems were always supposed to have simple answers, there was always supposed to be a way to solve things, it wasn't supposed to be this complicated.

But that's all life had really been since he came on this stupid journey, and met Fai.

Complications and lies, and just when the mage finally told him the truth about something, all that came of it was more complications. Just when a door was opened a million others closed, like some kind of bizarre maze were the closer you think you are to the truth, the farther away it gets.

Fai told him he loved him, and said he cut himself because he thought Kurogane hated him. Then Kurogane told him that he didn't hate him, in his opinion that should have solved something. Simple as that.

But no, that wasn't enough for Fai. Because he still thought that meant he was alone, that no one cared.

In Kurogane's eyes, that was what made the mage an idiot. He thought that just because he didn't love him meant he didn't care.

Kurogane could care for Fai without being in love with him. Right?

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A/N; Listen up people!!!! This is important, I guarantee the next chapter will be the ending ok?

AND! I am making an alternate ending because during my tragic spell of un-inspiration, I came up with an idea on how **_I_** wanted to end this, but because I promised fluff I am going write that fluffy ending, and then MY ending for the alternate one, which you don't have to read if you don't want to but I would love it if you did just to give me your opinion…

::Sniffle:: once again I'm sorry for the late update, I really did work hard to get it done… please REVIEW I would really appreciate it.


	9. Reasons

A/N; YES! I'm done! HAHA! Sorry it took so long… I have WAY to much homework

Disclaimer; I. Don't. Own. Them.

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_Kurogane,_

_I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you, and I just wanted to explain a few things to you before I am no longer able to._

_First off, I would prefer it if you kept this letter to your self. I doubt you would share it anyway, knowing you, but I just need to be sure._

_I could never bring myself to finish this before; I just didn't have it in me for some reason. But somehow, now I feel like I can, because I want you to be able to understand it all, and I'm not sure I'll be able to, myself, by the time you read this._

_I said that I loved you, and I know that you know I meant it. I also know that it really made no difference, other than putting us both in a more awkward situation than they had been before, since things had already been somewhat awkward from the day we met, given our differences._

_I could never bear the thought of you hating me, so I needed a release, something to help ease the pain and let everything out at the end of the day. Pretending that nothing was bothering me got quite difficult and drinking my sorrows away stopped working for me long ago, so I needed a new reminder that I was still a real person and that I hadn't disappeared yet._

_So I started to hurt myself._

_Actually, the first time was an accident. I was making dinner for you and the rest of our small traveling group, trying to be useful, when the knife I was using slipped. The shock the feeling gave me was pleasant, and after that, I longed to feel the same thing again and again, until eventually I was hooked on the feeling I got from each cut, and the satisfaction I received from watching the blood flow. After each cut, I felt just contented enough to keep smiling for the children and for you._

_However, after repeating my cutting process for an extended amount of time, I realised something. The pain only came back afterwards, just like reality would hit after a long night of drinking. Thus, I decided I needed a long-term answer._

_I remembered all the stories I'd heard of people in this world who 'overdosed' on drugs. So I bought that small bottle of sleeping pills, thinking that they would be enough to 'do the job'. And later that night, I took them one by one, and waited to die._

_But I didn't. You found me, I know I was un-conscious but I know it was you who came along and found me. Because somehow, you always seem to know when to find me, you would be the first to know when I've been alone in my room for too long._

_I woke up in that hospital and I knew that I'd really screwed things up. You hated me more than ever, and I'd fully proven my incompetence to do things right._

_It's un-imaginable to anyone who has never experienced it. The total sense of loss you have when you realize you can't even properly put an end to it all without screwing it up._

_I'm so pathetic, such an idiot. Not three days after my first attempt, I tried again. And of course, you found me._

_Again._

_And saved me._

_Again._

_Because that's what you do._

_And I didn't mean what I said to you Kurogane. About it being your entire fault. Just because I was foolish enough to fall in love with you, and weak enough to fall apart the moment I knew the feeling would never be returned, doesn't make it your fault._

_When I ran off, and you found me at the bridge; I really hadn't been thinking of jumping. I only said "and what if I was?" to make you mad, and to see if you even partially cared. I'm sorry for that, Kurogane._

_So in closing, I would like to, once again, say that I've always been such a hindrance. I've really caused nothing but pain for you and the rest of our small little 'family'. I hope that you can forgive me for that, even if I don't really deserve it._

_I hope this letter helped clarify things for you, and if it didn't, I'm sorry I failed at even that._

_Love,_

_Fai D Flowright_

_P.s. Please tell Sakura-chan I said I'm sorry._

Kurogane glanced up from the note and glared at nothing in particular. Stupid mage. Stupid fucking mage! He was killing himself a freaking third time? How many times did Kurogane have to tell him that he wasn't going to let him die?

He let the paper fall from his hands and float down to the floor, landing soundlessly next to his foot.

Slowly, he climbed to his feet and headed toward his bedroom door, trying to keep himself calm and collected in spite of his heart pounding so hard that it felt like his ribs were bruising from the inside. He would find the mage and drag him back home kicking and screaming if he had to.

He turned the doorknob and swung the door open, only to find said mage standing right in front of him, with his fist raised in preparation to knock.

They exchanged startled looks; wide blue eyes met equally wide crimson ones.

"Kuro-sama…" started Fai, his eye contact wavering slightly "Can I…?" he didn't finish the question, but Kurogane knew what he was trying to ask him anyway.

He stepped aside, gesturing for Fai to enter.

The blonde stepped cautiously into the room, now focusing his gaze on his shoes.

The ninja closed the door once they were both inside. Fai simply stood in the middle of the room, looking as uncomfortable as was possible for one person.

Kurogane walked over to the bed were he had been sitting and lifted the letter from its place on the floor. He turned to Fai with an unspoken question in his eyes.

The other man stared at his feet, unable to put his thoughts into words coherent enough to form an answer, leaving the two standing in a thick silence.

The dark haired man sighed loudly, mostly because he disliked having only dead silence in response to his question.

In the faint hope of getting the mage to talk, he handed him the letter and voiced the question that had already been so easy to read in his eyes. "Why did you finish it?"

Fai shrugged "I just… I wanted you to understand why I did the things I did, even if all my reasons were selfish and hurt those around me, I still wanted you understand…"

Kurogane frowned "Damnit!" he said "You didn't have to and write it in a suicide note you idiot! I…" _was worried,_ but he cut himself off before those words crossed his lips, he'd be damned if he ever said such things out loud.

Fai just gave him a small smirk "Was Kuro-tan _worried_ about me?" he asked. His tone was playful and teasing, but Kurogane knew he was praying for the words to be true, that's what his eyes were telling him.

He inhaled sharply at the hopeful look on the blonde's face and before he knew what was happening or even contemplated the consequences of his actions, he crushed their lips together, forcing a muffled gasp of surprise from Fai.

Once he felt the need for air he pulled back and looked at the blushing mage, whose lips were already starting to bruise slightly from the force of the kiss.

Kurogane felt his own face beginning to heat up at the realization of what he had just done.

The mage stared at him, looking as though he had been struck by lighting "Kuro…" suddenly he looked bewildered and his gaze returned to his feet "Don't do things only out of pity. You might fool someone."

The ninja scowled. "That wasn't out of pity." he said darkly, slightly angry that Fai couldn't accept it when anything went his way. Of course it wasn't out of pity. He was worried for the mage; he cared. "That's not exactly something that I would do simply because I felt sorry for you…"

And without warning, the blonde man leaped forward and embraced him, trying to hold back tears.

Kurogane felt a warm feeling spreading through him; he liked the feeling of Fai being so close to him, it made his heart pump faster. He wondered what the feeling meant. Maybe love?

Even if it wasn't love, even if Kurogane didn't love Fai…

It came pretty damn close.

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A/N; There! Fluff! I'm so damn happy to have finally made fluff that I don't even care about anything right now, All that's on my mind is FEEDBACK! I gave you the fluff I promised, now give me REVIEWS! Its not so hard to do, just push the review button and say a few words, even if you flame me I'd still probably huggle you.

STICK AROUND FOR THE ALTERNANT ENDING! THE MYSTERY ONE


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